G&Z_inWeeks ago, Genviev wrote me the following story about a journey of death and rebirth she took with her dog, Zahn. You may remember my post about Genviev, her webite, and the photos of Zahn, her Spirit Wolf.

When I received her story, I wrote back and asked if I could share it with you all. Genviev responded that she needed to give my request some thought. She had considerable fears of being rejected for the story I am about to post for you, and I am humbled and honored that she chose to come forward and say “yes, let your readers know this.” I told Genviev that these were words that our community would treasure and find healing in. Thank you Genviev, for your faith. Here is your story:


— Miracles are small reminders that the great mystery of life, as we know it, is merely an illusion distracting us from the much greater truth.–

A year ago, I was on my way out of state for a week-long training when running my hands through Zahn’s thick coat, I was alarmed by what felt like sharp weight loss. The density of his wolf-like fur makes weight changes practically impossible to discern from sight alone. Though I had noticed a slight decrease in his appetite, his vibrant health and energy levels appearing unchanged, I had attributed it to the summer heat we were experiencing.

Traditionally thin, lean, and energetic, Zahn has always been more interested in athletic adventures and explorations than food. Seeing him check his dinner and walk away is nothing out of the ordinary. To be on the safe side, I arranged for him to be taken to the vet for a complete checkup. Little did I know that what I thought would be a routine visit would unexpectedly become the most critical health threat he had ever faced.

Though it took 10 days for the medical teams to be able to determine the cause of Zahn’s illness, they knew right away he was undergoing acute kidney failure and his entire system was shutting down. Violent poisoning resulting from the ingestion of a highly toxic substance was initially suspected, but extensive blood tests and analyses continued to be conducted to determine the exact cause of his sudden collapse.

He was hospitalized at once, and by the time I was able to rush back to his side a week later, I was horrified by what I saw. He had lost 20 pounds, his magnificent coat had been shaved for the various procedures, and he was barely conscious. The medical teams explained they had done everything in their power to keep him alive during my absence. However, considering he had remained unresponsive to treatment after more than a week on life support, I was instructed it was time for me to say goodbye and let him go.

As I sat down by his lifeless body on the cold hospital floor, I brought his giant head onto my lap and wept, overwhelmed by deafening despair. I had just lost so much in my life, literally everything. Over the course of the past year and a half, I had lost my job, my home, my medical coverage, and all sources of income. The company I had built from the ground up with my partner, working around the clock for a decade, had been taken away from us in a corporate take-over.

All of my belongings had been stored in a warehouse that was now across the country from me. In the same year, my marriage disintegrated, I lost the man I loved more than life itself, and the 13-year-old Shih-Tzu who never left my side died in my arms. In a matter of months, my entire existence had been wiped out from under me. And I was now instructed to let Zahn die as well, at barely six years of age? There is a limit to the level of terror and devastation a person can endure, and I had far exceeded mine.

Going against medical advice, I refused to give up on him. When the hospital he had first been taken to accused me of being unrealistic and refused to continue treatment, I discharged him and transferred him to the critical care unit of an emergency hospital where he remained on around-the-clock life support. The situation was grim, to say the least. Blood work revealed 85{fe46f85cf7c5ff45e639cce4bd0b7ed47fa7c0a03ad6c7408e07815ebf6adf0a} of his kidneys had been permanently damaged. Knowing kidney damage is not treatable or reversible, even if he did miraculously start responding to treatment, he would have to survive with only 15{fe46f85cf7c5ff45e639cce4bd0b7ed47fa7c0a03ad6c7408e07815ebf6adf0a} of his kidneys at best. This translated into a short life expectancy, which would have had to be sustained by continuous intravenous fluids.

In a blind panic, I contacted every healer I had studied with around the world throughout the course of my life. I knew I couldn’t make demands to the spiritual realms, and many healers do not approve of working on animals. In a desperate plea, I begged them to enable me to depart with Zahn, if he had to go. There was no doubt in my mind I didn’t have the strength to lose him at a time in my life where everything that meant anything to me had already been taken away.

I felt the result of my friends’ response overnight. Instead of focusing their energy on ending my life as I had requested, they worked on healing my heart. I went to bed on a Saturday evening praying for the permission to leave this world with my beloved Spirit Wolf so that I would not have to go through the agony of losing him and remaining all alone in a world devoid of meaning. I was filled with terror, rage, and unbearable pain.

When I awoke on Sunday morning, extraordinarily, all emotions had subsided, leaving in their place a calm feeling of peace. Even though Zahn was dying in a hospital, I was suddenly inhabited by an all-encompassing wave of peace and a gentle hint of positive hope. A barely audible voice within was whispering everything would be okay, and even though I could not comprehend why or how, I believed it.

Filled with this new force within, I went to the hospital that morning and started working on Zahn at once. I had spent a lifetime studying and practicing a variety of healing methods all over the world, and I knew exactly what to do. Freed from the state of paralyzing terror and panic I had been in for over a week, I felt centered and balanced, filled with peace and power. For hours, I worked on Zahn’s body, channeling the power of the Divine energy into him, flushing his body from toxins, burning away poisons, and infusing him with a vibrant and energetic current of life force.

That afternoon, he resumed eating again for the first time. When I returned home that night, I continued working on a photo of him. The next day, the medical staff reported that miraculously, after a week and a half showing no response to treatment, his kidney levels had suddenly started to drop. As I continued working on him, my focus, direction, and prayers were constant. I implored the Divine to draw from my own life force and transfer it to him.

Day after day, I mentally dove into his body as if I were liquid energy, rushing through his entire being, cleansing and healing every part of him, washing away toxins, poisons and all traces of illness, and taking them with me, out of his body. Within days, against all medical diagnostics and prognoses, his blood work returned within normal ranges.

After being told his kidneys had been more than 85{fe46f85cf7c5ff45e639cce4bd0b7ed47fa7c0a03ad6c7408e07815ebf6adf0a} destroyed, that the damage was permanent, that he was not responding to medical treatment, and that he was in a terminal stage, Zahn was back on his feet, eating and drinking again within days of starting energy

work on him. Miraculously, all of his blood work returned within normal ranges. We kept him on IV fluids and in the hospital for the remainder of the week, mainly because no one truly understood how he could be functioning again. As the clinic gradually reduced his intravenous fluid intake, I continued working on him.

Interestingly, as I witnessed life return to his body, death slowly seeped into mine and my own health collapsed. I had prayed God to take my very life force and infuse it into Zahn’s body and the exchange of energy had taken place. Shaken by high fever and icy chills, my extremities began trembling violently and my entire body aching painfully. Burning pain spread through my lower back, concentrating around the kidneys. My neck and joints became stiff, my eyes burned and I felt overwhelmed by a level of exhaustion that surpassed anything I had experienced before. Yet, I welcomed all of it with a heart full of gratitude for I knew by drawing the disease within my own flesh, I was freeing him.

While Zahn’s severe kidney failure and general collapse had initially been suspected to be the result of acute poisoning, further testing finally unveiled the culprit. He had contracted two aggressive strands of leptospirosis, a fatal bacterial infection present in many bodies of water, rivers, and lakes. Because leptospirosis is transmissible between species and rapidly creates irreversible damage in vital organs, when Zahn’s medical teams saw my ghostly, grayish complexion and bloodshot eyes, they alerted me I might have contracted the disease and recommended I should check myself into a hospital at once.

I didn’t do so until I knew Zahn was completely out of danger. The obvious results of my work on him were impossible to ignore and I didn’t want to have to stop if the hospital decided to keep me. I couldn’t afford risking Zahn’s relapse when I was getting weaker by the day. I could feel death running through me. I could feel everything he had been going through and I was so grateful for it. My prayers had been heard!

I had no doubt in my mind Zahn would be better off living without me than I would have been living without him. He was stronger and wiser than I was at that time in my life where I had been brought to my knees by too much adversity. While I grew weaker, Zahn continued improving.  Incredibly, his energy levels became so high, he was literally bouncing off the ground at every one of my visits.

As I took him on walks in front of the hospital to continue working on him, he would roll on the ground, grinning at me with a teeth-baring smile before leaping in the air, stronger than ever. His health improved so rapidly, he was released at the end of the week and allowed to return home for a trial period of a few days. The doctors cautioned me not to be overly optimistic. They couldn’t explain his sudden recovery and expected him to relapse without the constant support of intravenous fluids flushing his kidneys.

He did not relapse. On the contrary, blood work demonstrated his kidney levels had returned to readings within perfect range, a fact we all know is supposed to be impossible in medical terms.

Once Zahn was out of danger, I checked myself into a hospital for a series of blood work and other analyses. Interestingly, while I appeared to have the external signs of the disease, nothing registered within my bloodstream. It seemed death ran its course through me, as I invited her out of Zahn’s system and into my own, but did not stick around as I had imagined it would. It took me weeks to recover my strength and slowly emerge from the exhaustion and depletion of energy I had incurred.

However, even at my weakest, I was radiating with gratefulness and humility in front of the incredible power of love and faith. It was the second time that, against all expectations, I had been allowed to facilitate the complete recovery of an animal dying of a terminal disease. Each time, the sole combination of focusing the love of my heart and soul into another being with the power of prayer had vanquished the physical reality of the disease.

Though Zahn and I had always shared a profound connection, this experience took our relationship and mutual understanding to an even deeper level. In sharing my life force with him, in drawing death away from him and into me, it felt as if our souls had merged together in the process. As if we had somehow become meshed, woven together as two parts of the same consciousness.

Z_0022A few months later, as he was grinning at me, his eyes deep into mine in the afternoon sunshine, I saw his laughter of victory and I suddenly understood what had escaped me until then. The gift was not simply my being willing to exchange my life for his survival, but rather his willingness to risk his simply to show us what could be accomplished with the power of faith. He had placed his life within my hands with the sole purpose of helping us understand what is within the reach of any one of us, when we align ourselves with the Divine energy. As he grinned at me with all-knowing eyes, his thoughts echoed in my mind with crystal clarity:

“We did it. I knew all along you would succeed, you know. I had all faith in you.”

© 2009 Genvièv Martin-Bernard

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  1. Cindy says:

    Miracles are the natural order of the Universe. Everything happens for the purpose of moving us onward, forward, upward. Your own faith and that of Zahn’s has now moved you to a level of existence that doesn’t need to dwell in fear anymore. Death where is thy sting?

    As a Reiki master I am well aware of the healing energy that flows through each of us, and I am also aware how it can turn and make oneself sick without the proper dispersal of that energy. I find the grounding techniques used in Reiki to be invaluable in keeping oneself healthy while allowing the illness to move through you rather then take up residence. But I find it very interesting, and very telling, that while you felt so sick the dis-ease didn’t show up in your blood work! Feeling what Zahn felt was obviously something you needed to feel, to learn from it, and you have. You get it Genviev, you truly do get it! 🙂 Reiki, and all other forms of energy healing never stand in the way of what we need to learn from a situation, and I am so grateful you came out the other end of this with your health AND your beloved Zahn healed and whole…..and a great lesson learned.

    This story makes me smile deep. The smile that says, yes, miracles are real and not for a select few, they’re not “out there” somewhere, but inside, here, now, present. It’s really just a matter of staying open to the them and expecting good.

    Much love to you Genviev, much love, and please hug that great big beautiful boy of yours for me!


  2. Thank you so much, Susan and Cindy, for your kindness, for your words, for accepting us in this vibrant community of yours, for allowing us to share our story. Your acceptance, understanding and friendship are a heartfelt blessing.

  3. Erin says:

    What a beautiful soul connection you have with Zahn, Genviev!! I could feel the depth of your humanity and spirituality in the emails I exchanged with you in regards to buying your cards. Your essence came flowing through, strongly, even in that impersonal form of communication.
    All the good we put out in the Universe will come back to us a thousand fold. May you and Zahn be blessed always.

  4. Sue says:


    I am humbled that you allowed Susan to post your story. Wow, I feel like I was on your journey too. Beautiful, wise Zahn! What a gift he is to you and you to him!!! Animals are such wonderful teachers. Thank you so much for the gift of your story. It comes at a time in my life where I’m losing so much. The fear as kept me from moving forward into the unknown. Your story gives me hope and strength. Would you send my love to Zahn and let him know that others are honored to read his story and learn his wise lesson!!! Many blessings to you and Zahn.


  5. Dearest Erin, thank you for your kind words. It was such a pleasure meeting you through our e-mail correspondence last month and such an honor, for Zahn and me, to be able to share with you the product of our work. Your package was sent with much love and gratefulness. I hope it brought joy and some of the Spirit Wolf’s magic into your day. I feel the essence of Zahn’s soul is so very present and alive in each of the photos and messages he enables me to share with others. Thank you for your support and kindness. Many blessings to you from the two of us.

  6. Dear Sue, my heart goes out to you as I know all too well the fear you write about. In times when we find our existence, as we knew it, wiped out from under us, when we are left with nothing to hold on to but devastation, pain and terror, sometimes even our faith deserts us. In these “dark nights of the soul” where all we knew, understood and believed in no longer seems to have any bearing, reality or truth, it is easy to feel we are losing our mind, our sanity, our “self.” It is probably impossible to comprehend for those who have not experienced events of such magnitude, but in times like these, it is very tempting to want to give up on life entirely, if only to escape the pain and the fear. Among the teachings that helped me the most are those instructing us to step outside of our “self” for a moment, to forget our story, our reality, the constant chatter of our thoughts and to remember that what we are, who we are, in truth, is not that “physical person” carrying our name and the story of our life with all of its emotional charge, but quite simply pure, vibrating energy. When we focus on remembering that matter is nothing more than an illusion and that we truly are an endless, undying, unlimited flow of glowing energy, one with the Divine and all of Creation, not able to be diminished or affected by the human and material circumstances surrounding us, we find a way to lessen our pain and diminish our fear. We are with you, the Spirit Wolf and me, with all our heart.

  7. Sue says:


    thank you so much for reminding me of my wholeness, of who-really-I-am. When I read your response tears flowed…..but then I felt a wash of calm, loving energy. I hope it’s ok, but I downloaded the picture of you and Zahn and will look at it when I need that little reminder again.

    Blessings to you and Zahn,

  8. Ingrid says:

    What an amazing story. I had to scroll down to the end first because I could hardly bear to read about all you went through, and I was so happy to see that the story did, indeed have a happy ending.

    Animals are such amazing teachers, if only we allow ourselves to open our hearts and receive the lessons they have for us. These soul connections we share with these special animals transcend time and space, and they are truly eternal.

    Thank you for sharing your story, Genviev.

  9. Thank you for holding my beloved Spirit Wolf in your hearts and thoughts. 🙂

    Of course it is okay to download our picture, Sue. I feel Zahn’s magical and mystical energy carrying through every photo I take of him. Whenever I share these photos with others, amazingly, his energy flows through and reaches them just as powerfully. Below is a link to a few more where his joy for life, essence and energy shine through:
    Some of these are already available in our collections at Spirit Wolf Press (, the others will follow soon. I also plan on releasing a small coffee-table book featuring his most powerful images, messages and presence.

    Here is a little gift to help you along your difficult time, Sue: focus one more time on remembering who you truly are, this wholeness you felt last night, your true, glorious and vibrant essence. Once you feel the wave of peace and energy wash over you, lock it within your memory bank, as if you would hit the “save” key on your keyboard. Use a trigger you will remember, for instance, pressing your thumb and ring finger together with a magical word of your choice. You can use “Whole” or “Home” or anything that will best illustrate your return to your true self. If you want a more mystical and mysterious trigger, you can use “Je suis” (French for “I am”). As you join your chosen fingers and words together, visualize yourself locking this state of peace, power and presence forever within your consciousness. You only need to do this once, with the intention of storing it. Just as you only need to hit the “save” key on your keyboard once to save a document. From this moment on, whenever you need to return to this feeling of peace, presence and power, all you need to do is repeat the movement and the words to unlock the magic of your soul. 🙂

  10. Meg says:

    Dear Genviev,
    Thank you so much for sharing your very deep and personal story. It was just what I needed to read at this time.

    My husband of 17.5 years told me, (out of the blue, 4 weeks ago), that he wants to end our marriage. This has really rocked my world.

    Thankfully, I have a lot of support in terms of receiving energy work, studying Eckhart Tolle’s teachings… (saying “Yes” to what IS, and seeing a great therapist.

    She works with me to view this whole transformation of form as a wonderful opportunity to let go, raise my vibrational frequency, and manifest my highest good.

    That is what I know is available to me when I’m in alignment with Divine energy, as you have said and as she encourages me to see.

    Your story is incredibly inspiring… Though on the soul level, I feel the truth of what I’m studying and working with, in terms of aligning myself with Love and letting go of fear…

    …it has been difficult to always sit in peace, in the moment.

    I always thought of my husband as the man of my dreams. I feel a deep deep loss.

    On a “practical” level, I will also be losing my health insurance, I don’t make enough $ as a self-employed massage therapist to keep the house running alone…and–the biggest thing—we have 12 family rescued house bunnies who live in several rooms of our home.

    There is no question, but I will not give the bunnies up. They are my family and I am theirs. My husband would take one or two only bunnies with him, his “favorites”.

    With all of your seeming adversity, you came through this…both you and Zahn…strong spiritual warriors.

    Thank you so very much for your bravery, your wisdom, and your inspiration.
    Your light shines very brightly.

    In deep gratitude,

  11. Cindy says:


    All I can say is….wow! Your generosity comes shining through everything you write. The visualization you shared, the technique for centering yourself and becoming calm, is very powerful. And it’s true, focusing on Zahn’s face surely does bring a sense of peace as well. Thank you for sharing him with us! Animals serve us in so many ways, but I think their main purpose is to teach us. And teach us they do!

    I have written about my pets before, and I have especially mentioned my Maine Coon cat, Zen Master Jackson. We don’t go around calling him Zen Master (not ALL the time), but he truly has taught me the art of calm. Recently my family had one of those riduculous days that just spirals out of control. In spite of my best efforts to meditate, center myself, prepare for the day, sometimes things just take on a life of their own and all of a sudden! So here we are, rushing around, each with our own little crisis in progress.. The phone is ringing off the hook, someone’s knocking at the door and we’re fast becoming late for a very important date. My little one is crying and will NOT be consoled, my oldest daughter burned something on the stove and filled the kitchen with smoke, the smoke alarm is going off and the dog just threw up on the carpet. As I rush past the living room I see Jackson in all his glory lying flat on his back, completely oblivious to the chaos swirling around him, belly up, not a care in the world! I had to stop in my tracks and laugh, and I mean the kind of total body laugh that’s good for your soul. My family came to see why mom was laughing so hysterically, you had to be there, I must of looked like a total madwoman, one high heel shoe on, the other off and tears starting to stream down my face. “Oh, he gets it”, he really gets it” my husband says! In all his “catness”, in his very Zen nature he made us all laugh, and we all felt better. Jackson just stretched and looked at us with his huge green eyes and then turned over. We paused, regrouped, and began again. Yes we were late, but we arrived relaxed and happy. Oh how I love that cat, he’s my teacher….he’s my boy….and his gift to my family is peace.

    To all the animal teachers out there, for Jackson, to the beautiful and powerful Zahn, to every single pet or wild creature that comes across our path, I honor you. You all have a place in my heart and soul. Namaste….


  12. Dearest Meg,

    You have been in my thoughts ever since I first read your message yesterday. I can feel your pain within my flesh and bones. The shock, the disbelief, the devastation… The unbearable feelings of betrayal and abandonment… The fear, the terror in the face of the sudden dissolution of your life, of your reality… The grief and the loss… It is all too familiar… Your pain is my pain, and in times like these, we can truly feel how connected we are with one another, how our energy, our life force is not separate but one and the same.

    It is good to know you are well surrounded, supported and studying the same teachings I clung to, in a desperate attempt not to lose my mind when I feared the chaos that had disintegrated my world was getting close to claiming my sanity.

    I was thinking of you as I was getting ready to go to sleep a moment ago (it is well past midnight here in the Pacific Northwest) and a beautiful visualization came to my mind, so I got up to send it to you. I am from a very small, beautiful country nestled on the Mediterranean Coast, between France and Italy. In my native land I miss so deeply, the natural light has an almost ethereal quality. It carries the warmth of the Mediterranean sun, in shades of pinkish gold, with the mixed scent of tropical flowers and sea breeze. Whenever you feel scared, alone and vulnerable, when you feel the pain becomes overwhelming, go to a peaceful, quiet place, close your eyes and imagine this beautiful, ethereal light wrapped around you like a blanket of protection, healing and love. Allow it to surround your entire being and breathe it in, letting it penetrate your consciousness, body and soul, until you can feel it in your heart. You can also infuse it into your morning beverage, be it a glass of water or a cup of tea, by simply placing your hands around your drink, closing your eyes and projecting this healing energy into your beverage. Then savor it slowly and feel the energy spread throughout your entire body. It is there to shelter and protect you. You are not alone, ever.

    We cannot help but wonder why we go through events of this magnitude. Events that seemingly have nothing to bring us but despair and agony. As to the theory that we each consciously chose our path before coming into this life, how many times have I brought my hands to my head wanting to scream out loud: “If it is so, what was I thinking?!” Maybe those of us who suffered so deeply did so that one day we may be able to understand and help others. Nothing makes much sense when we are in the midst of tragedy, but one thing remains unchanged throughout the history of mankind: the greatest achievers of all times have always been those who faced the most severe adversity. So indeed, Meg, look forward to a beautiful future.

    Your own light shines very brightly too 🙂

  13. Cindy 🙂 Thank you for your kind words. Your Zen Master Jackson sounds like such a wise character, and full of humor with that. Your story brought a big smile to my face. His wisdom and true Zen essence achieved to put a halt to the stress your entire family was experiencing, in the most effortless manner. It’s pretty safe to assume it would have been nearly impossible for any adult human being to make such an impact, isn’t it? It reminds me of the beautiful words of Bruce Lee: “The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.” Zen Master Jackson, I bow to you. Namaste.

  14. Sue says:


    Thank you so much for your “little” gift.Wolves have always been magical and poweful creatures to me. In fact I consider wolves my totem animal. For the longest time I couldn’t figure out if I had a totem animal and if so whom they might be. So I kept asking for my totem to come to me in a dream, and one night I dreamt of finding 3 white wolf cubs. So figured that it was a sign of something.

    I shall treasure your gift and kindness always! Somehow I’ve let what my husband did effect me and I couldn’t shake the fear. I’m still going through it, except when I align with my higher self; when I connect with All-That-Is then the peace flows through me and I’m able to rise above the fear. You’ve given me a priceless gift that I can access on a moments notice!

    Many blessings and love to you and Spirit Wolf.


  15. Sue says:


    Like Genviev I share your pain. She said it so much more eloquently than I but I’m going through much of the same.

    The grief, loss, abandonment, fear, feelings of low self esteem, betrayal…the list goes on and on. My husband is still here because at this point we can’t sell our house, and it’s hard to look at him everyday because it keeps what he’s done and doing in my face.

    I don’t have your support system, so I decided to go back to school for my master’s degree. I hope to be able to rescue horses someday and do equine assisted therapy and I’m in a general psychology program that I hope will give me the background and credibilty to do this kind of work.

    After reading your post I can tell you I have 5 dogs that are going with me and it’s hard finding a place I can rent where I can have 5 big dogs. I also have a new job that I start the end of the month (assuming I can find a place to rent)so I feel that I’m moving forward. I sure can’t stay here looking at Mr. Wonderful day after day! 🙂

    I was wondering if you’ve ever considered filling out paperwork to become a non-profit to be able to support your work with the bunnies. You might be able to get some grant monies or donations to help you along. Just a thought. If you’re interested the Farm Sanctuary website can walk you through it.

    Take care Meg. Wishing you many blessings!

    Sue and my Bernese Mountain Dog crew and 1 GSD rescue.

  16. Meg says:

    Dear Genviev,
    You are most insightful, which doesn’t surprise me. When I re-read what I posted, I thought to myself how it may seem, to the reader, that I am feeling stronger than I am…
    …that I have come to a place where I generally able to am flow with the current of the energies that have swept my husband’s heart from mine, just four days after our anniversary.

    Our anniversary happened to fall during a four-day vision quest, (Sun-Moon Dance) dancing to drums, fasting, sleeping under the stars…all in silence, except for the drumming.

    At the completion, during the sharing circle, my husband, a beautiful “mystical poet” read me a poem that he had written on our special day. It was such a tender moment and I felt so connected to him…before and after the dance.

    So, his beginning to question our future together could not have surprised me more.

    At first, he said he’d give us a year… Yet less than 3 weeks later, he removed his wedding ring and said that, in his heart and mind, we are no longer married.

    There is no other woman. In fact, he says he’s committed to staying here for a year…(well, now it’s eleven months)…while I get my feet on the ground, financially.

    He said he “lost the spark” for me, though he’ll always love me.

    Your words:
    “You have been in my thoughts ever since I first read your message yesterday. I can feel your pain within my flesh and bones. The shock, the disbelief, the devastation… The unbearable feelings of betrayal and abandonment… The fear, the terror in the face of the sudden dissolution of your life, of your reality… The grief and the loss…”

    Ah yes, you understand very well how I really feel, except when I am diligently focusing on my mindfulness practices—-breath, presence, and visioning my highest good.

    Three days after he removed his ring, I took mine off. I put everything that would make my heart sink into the quicksand of the longing for him into a large box… photos, cards, poems.

    I find more reminders of “us” every day, as I go through closets, etc. and begin to weed through the “stuff” of our life together here…knowing that one day, sooner than later, we will be looking to sell it.

    My therapist talked with me at length about our “soul groups”…how we make contracts with people on the soul level, before we take human form, in order to do our work together… to learn the lessons we came to learn with that being.

    When the work is done, then there will be a shift in frequency/ vibration …not that one’s vibration is necessarily higher or better than the other’s…But, just different…

    For instance, for me, much of my work in this lifetime has been on letting go of fear and opening my heart to myself…

    My biggest fear in the past several years was that my husband would leave me. So, now here is my biggest fear in manifestation.

    As Eckhart Tolle would say: “Where there was something or someone, now there is nothing or no one. There is just space.”

    So, my work is to go within and find that Love within myself and not seek it in the form of the other…

    I didn’t realize my “attachment” to my role as my beloved’s partner…him as my dream lover and lifetime partner…until he said that it was over.

    I was truly in deep deep despair and crushing agony for at least the first two weeks. (It’s actually been 5 weeks now)

    I felt like I did not want to live. That’s not like me. Generally, I’m a very upbeat and fun person. I didn’t eat and lost 6#…not good for me, as I’m already small.

    I could barely walk across the floor. I was so numb. It was only the bunnies who kept me going. They depend on me and I knew that they needed to be fed and cared for.

    The day that I took my ring off, I moved into our upstairs bedroom. The good thing about that is that it’s like a little “retreat” room, with 2 twin beds, a desk, DVD player (for my Tolle DVD’s) etc.

    It’s right across from our yoga room, so I’ve also been reminded to practice more.

    Also, our delightful bunny Rosie has full access to my new room, as well as the living room…so she adores having the extra space and comes up and down the stairs between the two rooms…

    Greg and I are living peacefully together as “friends”… Still, I must say, it is odd, after being so intimate for over 17 years.

    The only way that this living arrangement will work, is to honor his wishes of “not being married anymore” and not put energy out that will seem like I am wanting to draw him back in.

    He is very clear that our married life is over. He is being a kind and thoughtful housemate. He also talks excitedly about his new life.

    Still, so odd…and if it weren’t for the bunnies and finances, the easiest thing for both of us would be to make a clean break as partners… (I do believe we’ll always be friends. We have been best friends for 26 1/2 years…)

    But, we’re being mindful and kind…and drumming for our new way of being together.

    Thank you so much for the gift of your beautiful visualization. I deeply appreciate it…more than you know… though I rather suspect that you DO know how very valuable such guidance and support is at a time such as this.

    Thank you, also, for your encouragement. I trust that I will rise through the ashes a stronger, wiser, more aware and happier woman. On the deepest level, I do trust that this is a stepping stone for me on my path of awakening.

    There were certainly parts of our relating where we were stuck in old patterns…very workable, but only if both partners have the intention. He “left” in those first two weeks and has continued to move into his new way of being.

    So, in my integrity…and honoring his… I am choosing to bless him, release him, and thank him.

    I will use your beautiful visualization to help to center, ground, and restore myself.

    It means so much to me that you wrote…especially as I know that you understand. It’s so new and strange…I’ve only told my sisters and 3 friends… not even my mother, whom I’m very close with.

    My Mom loves us both so much and we’re telling her together, on Tuesday. She’ll take it hard. My sisters see everything as “his fault” and don’t have much of a spiritual background… They are being very protective of me.

    It’s so refreshing to be able to share this (long!) story with you and know that you see the larger perspective.

    You and I…Greg and I…How can any of us really be separate?

    With gratitude and Love,

    • Susan McElroy says:

      Meg, your courage in this new journey is remarkable. I sense that there will be so much good for you in all this when the cosmic dust settles. And I know how shattering it feels to be in the midst of it. Many prayers coming your way!

  17. Cindy says:

    Meg/Sue…and any soul who is struggling here today,

    Your ability, amidst the pain, to express your feelings about a subject that most of us here, and around the world, can relate to is astonishing! Tears welled up in my eyes because of the recognition! The “long night of the soul” is something that will encompass our path at some point or another. And like Susan said, there is much to be gained (and savored) when this dust settles.

    Yes, many thoughts and prayers of peace are sent your way today, and everyday. This energy being sent out can do nothing but bless you. It is real, and it is instant. You are not alone…..


  18. valerie says:

    AWESOME! The vet who ‘suggested you put your dog down and further refused to care for Zahn when you didn’t want to euthanize him should have his/her license pulled. Refusing to help goes against the job. That’s shameful.

    Your story is wonderful! It just goes to show there is so much more out there in this world than we can even begin to imagine. I admire your strength and fortitude.

  19. Thank you for your kind words, Valerie. I know, I had a fleeting thought it would be something to pay an unexpected visit to the doctor who had ordered me to put Zahn down, simply so she could catch a glimpse of his splendor and magnificence today … back from the dead, bigger, stronger and healthier than ever. In truth, he came out of this experience even washed out from other unrelated health problems he had had in the past. As if his entire system had been cleansed out of any and all problems, restored to perfect, radiant health.

    But I didn’t share the miracle of his recovery with the initial vet clinic who had given up on him, choosing to forgive and forget and to focus solely on the gratefulness I feel for having him back in my life, and for the wonderful care and help of the next two clinics who worked with me around the clock to keep him alive. I learned and I am continuing to learn to “let go and let God” – as a friend of mine used to say. Confrontations are an act of the ego and in order to function in alignment with the Divine, it is essential that we learn to let go of all manifestations of the ego – a very hard task for us humans, for sure.

    In the meantime, in response to the loving support we received from each and every one of you, Zahn and I decided to create a little gift for you tonight. We recorded his words of appreciation, live, directly from the Spirit Wolf den, here at Spirit Wolf Press. We had so much fun doing this take, you can actually hear me laughing in the background toward the end!

    So, without further due, here for you, ladies and gentlemen … the one, the only, Spirit Wolf:

  20. Sue says:


    I love it!!!! What an awesome experience!! Cruizer the Berner puppy ran over to see who was in Mom’s computer! Then Wolfie the GSD rescue came over to listen. I feel goose bumps everytime I play it. I get a big grin on my face and I feel like jumping for joy!

    What a lovely gift. Thanks so much!!!


  21. Sue says:


    thank you for your wishes and blessings.

    Back you with love,


  22. Aaaah, the Mystery … so beautiful!

    Stories like this heal our wounded world.

    A thousand thanks, Genviev and Susan.

  23. Tony DeMalio says:

    I can’t believe I overlooked this post! I’m so glad you and Zahn are better. Peace to both of you!

  24. Thank you, Tony and Ken, for your kind words. Zahn’s miraculous recovery prompted the creation of Spirit Wolf Press. Having come so close to losing him made me realize one more time how fleeting and evanescent life truly is and how little time we have to make a difference around us and convey the messages we were brought here to share with others. Bearing Zahn’s name, Spirit Wolf Press was founded on a mission to promote the respect and preservation of wildlife and wild places, one message at a time. Each one of the collections we release carry a morsel of Zahn’s soul, energy and love. It is our hope they will continue bringing healing to our wounded world…

  25. Happy New Year Susan and friends 🙂 I received a message from a lovely Susana in Buenos Aires, Argentina tonight. She mentioned not being able to place her note here, so I thought I would post it for her and share her words with you. With loving blessings to each and every one of you from the Spirit Wolf and I in the Pacific Northwest.

    From: Susana
    To: Spirit Wolf Press
    Date: December 28, 2009

    What an amazing story… what a marvellous and deep relationship… what a spiritual communion… what a wonderful wolf and what a wonderful woman.
    Genviev… try Reiki.
    Although the circumstances of Zahn’s illness and your emotional state were much more serious, some years ago I had a high fever after going through a similar experience with my female wolf (a German Sheppard) who had had an illness.
    But with reiki things work different.
    Congratulations! I saw more photos of your beautiful big boy at your web page. You are an artist and he is your best muse.
    Thanks to you and to Susan for sharing these kind of stories.
    Happy New Year and best wishes
    God bless you both

    From the wet,rainy and warm city of Buenos Aires, Argentina

    Ps: Cannot place a comment at Susan Chernak McElroy’s page, so I send it to you.

  26. The Spirit Wolf leaped between the worlds again …

    Please join me in celebrating the radiance of the love he ignited in all of us, by becoming his friends at:

    Joining is free and does not generate e-mail messages to you. Your words on the discussion board below his video will be treasured. Thank you.

    With love,

    Genvièv & Zahn

  27. Cindy says:

    Oh, my heart feels sadness, and joy, at hearing this news. Sadness for losing from this earth plane such a magnificent creature, and joy for his spirit being set free. Love to you Genviev. And to you Susan, for posting this update. Zahn has simply moved on from our sight, but is with you still.

  28. Tony DeMalio says:

    Genviev – I’m so very sorry! What happened? I have been meaning to email you! May Zahn’s spirit soar! Blessings to you!

  29. I don’t know what happened, Susan. Zahn was in the best shape ever. Only 8 years old. Had taken him to the vet for a routine visit recently. The vets always have the same reaction with him: “Seems you made a mistake on his date of birth on file. What you wrote would make him 8 years old, he’s clearly no more than 2.” Since our miraculous healing in 2008, he seemed to be rejuvenated to a blank slate. Bouncing with the energy of a 2 year-old, radiant, powerful. He wasn’t sick in any way, not even an upset tummy. Nothing. Thursday night he was racing around with his little friend Olivier, chasing him down the stairs and into the park, racing him back up the stairs. Making a bee line for his favorite pink soccer ball and leaping from the ground, air born, his body twisting in fancy arial configurations when I threw it high, before closing on it mid-air. Back home he jumped on the bed, rolling around grinning at us, sprawling for cuddles. Friday morning at 7 am, he was resting on the balcony overlooking the lake, his chin on the ledge, watching the awakening of wildlife all around. At 8 am, when I walked to the balcony, he was laying peacefully on his side, in his typical sleeping position, one of his front paws slightly curled under him, the other stretched out. Except he had leaped away into the other world, leaving me a state of shock, consternation, disbelief … and unfathomable despair.

  30. Cindy says:

    This is heartbreaking, no way around it. Sometimes we never know why things happen the way they do. Someday, here or hereafter, everything will make sense. But until then, dear Genviev, peace upon your heart.

    Much love, Cindy

  31. Thank you for your kind words Susan, Cindy and Tony. Thank you also for your patience with my response. It has been impossible for me to comprehend, process and find reasons to explain Zahn’s abrupt departure. Nothing justifies it. He was in the best shape, health and condition he had ever been. He held a central role and importance in my world. I needed him by my side. He was only 8 years old. My mind cannot find the way to wrap itself around him being here glowing with health and energy one second and gone the very next, without so much as a warning. I have been in a state of shock-induced stupor since. I cannot understand why he left…

  32. Cindy says:


    Ask Zahn why he left. Simply ask. The love you two share will surely bring an answer, a sign, a sense of meaning to this. Ask, and you shall receive…..

    Love to you….


  33. That’s the first thing I did, Cindy. He’s been with me ever since. I can sense him, I can feel him, I get clear glimpses of him around us in my mind constantly, I can even smell him at times. I feel his presence clearly right here with me. So I did ask him. “Why?!” “Why did you leave, Zahn!?” “Why did you leave me now?!” His answer was immediate, loud and clear. And it so stunned me, I knew it was not my imagination because I would have never imagined this response. I was sure he had something to do with this, that he had made the decision to go, on some level. Instead, his clear, sharp response was that he didn’t know, that he didn’t understand this any more than I did, that one minute he was here with us and the next he was gone and he is just as much in disbelief and consternation about this as I am…

    • Susan McElroy says:

      Genviev, ask him again. We live in a universe (or six) that is far beyond the comprehension of our body-bound human brains. Every moment, the world is recreated, as paths are taken and not taken. Zahn is on a journey, too. His awareness of his situation will expand, moment by moment, as his soul suddenly has. Ask him, again, why he left. New insights will come.

  34. Tony says:


    I agree with Cindy about asking Zahn. I didn’t think of that.

    Many blessings to you!

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