Yesterday, something astonishing happened to me. In a good way. At a time when I had lost all sense of direction, and was feeling hopeless. I want to share this because I had told my friend a couple days ago that while I truly, honestly believed Spirit really intervened in the lives of people in a good way, I was feeling that that was true for everyone but me. Do you ever feel like that?
I’ve been praying for help these past few weeks with two things. First, I’ve been sick for weeks, weak sick, with no seeming end in sight. And because I was feeling so sick, I’ve been scared. I get scared when I get sick because I reach a place in my head where I just stop believing I’ll ever get better.
Second, our little yellow house contract began going south. It seemed for a couple of months that this little home was really moving along toward a calm and secure escrow closing—and then we had the home inspection. Yikes! Everything seemed to be wrong. We turned to contractors to help us make sense of all the bad news, and were told that it really was not THAT bad. After, all, it was an older home and we could expect problems with an older home. Then, we were told to suspect that it was, indeed, that bad. The last two weeks have been a quagmire of phone calls, inspections that could not get scheduled, emails, and hair pulling.
The bank, meanwhile, was hurrying us to counter our previous offer with a solid commitment based on the problems we knew about in the house. Remember, if you will, that I have been sick as the mythical dog and my mind is as clear as pea soup. I have been terrified of making a wrong choice either way: What if we passed on this sweet little house? What if we didn’t? What if the problems really were not that bad, and we let the deal go because we could not make a choice like this fast and uneducated? What if we said, yes, let’s buy it—and we lost everything we had in home repairs and had to eat Bisquick and canned spaghetti everyday for the rest of our lives?
My fog brain and house woes collided together and got me ruminating about making choices, and does the universe give a damn anyhow, and boy, have I made some real doozies of bad choices in my life, and where the hell was God anyhow? I turn to the heavens regularly and fervently and earnestly and sincerely and sometimes desperately and say “Please, just let me know what you want me to do.” And mostly, I hear nothing back. Send me a sign, I ask, and then I’m afraid that I just imagine I got a sign, and will make some stupid choice based on something that was not a sign but simple indigestion or a sonic boom.
So, yesterday, still knowing nothing of what we needed to know to respond to the bank, which needed our answer that day, we went one last time to the yellow house to meet with our realtor and yet another foundation specialist. I slumped on the red concrete steps of the front porch and sighed. I’d gotten attached to the house, to the rhododendrons gracing its perimeter fencing (great dog fencing, by the way…), to the look of the small house standing straight and happy and facing the street with such hope and promise. We had not found, in this past year of looking for a house, anything that came close to this yellow bungalow.
I had completely given up on listening for Spirit when the communication finally came. I had quit asking God for a damn thing when she suddenly delivered. In that hour, we got—coincidently, with one unexpected call after another—every answer we needed. We got what I needed to let go of the yellow house completely and peacefully. The little place turned out to be a teardown, needing far, far more in repairs than the structure was worth. And I I could clamber back into our car knowing that we would not risk our finances, and that there was no question but that we would walk away.
There is a common theme in mythology, about the misguided and bumbling heroine of a story finally sitting down and weeping over her hands at her utter helplessness. In the stories, it is at these times that suddenly something as astonishing as a line of ants comes to bring her golden grains of sand, or the breeze carries a soft cloak of eiderdown and settles it upon her shivering shoulders. I had told my friend about this mythology, and told her that while I believed this universal storyline to be true for human life, I also was humbled to realize that in real life, sometimes the maiden weeps for years. Perhaps even decades. It can be a long time waiting for those ants. And so I have not expected anymore that the gods would intervene on behalf of my time table, ever.
But this time, they did. My author and friend Jody Seay calls these kinds of events “God Plops,” times when grace just sort of plops down utterly unexpectedly. The ants took the form of a cell phone and a engineering meter, but I think they were just masquerading. I think under the metal and plastic, it was ants—a short line of very determined ants. And I am reborn, stunned, in my fractured, ragged faith.
Beautiful story, Susan. I really loved the way you wrapped it. I have been in that place of utter helplessness, and had the God Plop. Glad to hear it happened for you.
Thanks, Reisa: Always good to hear of God Plops!
Love this. So glad the God Plop saved you from financial ruin. The God Plop is telling you that the right house for you is out there and it will reveal itself at the appropriate time and place; and you will fall in love with it even more than you did this one.
Susan, what a story!! So sorry it;s been this rugged, I thought all was well with the house AND now it is! I would be thanking my angels and everyone else and add God Bless to the plop! So now the path is cleared for the next perfect home and you returning health…do you know what the health issue is? Don’t know if you celebrate Easter in some way, but blessings be upon you, Carter and family for a time of God’s greening grace! ALetheia
Wow – Spirit not only showed up, she wanted you to know for certain that she was there! May you feel better soon – you’ll need your strength to lift all those boxes when you move into the home that is meant for you!
Same thing has been happening for me as well, but the good news is that the God plops finally DID show up and reminded me of one fact: Never will it be in our time but always RIGHT ON time. Thanks for sharing with us Susan. 🙂
I feel so relieved for you. Like you and many others I have made some bad choices and loss a lot of money because of it. Even if you have not been feeling well, I’m sure that somewhere in your subconscious there must have been some guidance help that made the decision of not going ahead with the acquisition of this house a lot easier to handle, even if it was clear from the building inspection that you shouldn’t go ahead with it. All your years of meditation, of being close to nature, all your years of daily rituals have helped you and will always help you, guide you. With this little bungalow you would have had a regular backyard with close neighbors. Are you certain you and Carter are ready for this? You seem to have so much space and nature where you are renting right now.